Musterbation is an epidemic
Oh heyyyyyy Self Lovers! You know what time it is?
Oooooh weeee! Am I excited for todays chat. I know, you probably clicked on this thinking to yourself well, Paul is taking the concept of Self Love quite literal today. Cue my Dad making the same joke to all of his friends with eye winks and eyebrow raises…
Well, let me gently point you to the title again because your brain might have places an A where the U lived in this title. Yes, self lovers, we are chatting all about MUSTERBATION TODAY! But before we do that I wanted to take the time to share a beautiful testimonial that I received from one of my Self Love in Seven Program members – now, if this is your first time hearing about Self Love in Seven The Program, it is my flagship offering that will support you learning how to say Yes to You, ditch people pleasing and anxiety and say I Love myself- Once and for all! So here is what one of my members is saying about their experience after just being in the program for a week:
“I literally can’t picture my life without you in it – the ultimate life/self-love coach ❤️
These last few days have just been more impactful on my life than a decade of medication and therapy…This program is helping me uncover what makes me feel the way that I do, and how I can deal with it to learn to love myself as opposed to just talking about the negative things that have happened or that I worry about happening. Im finally gaining the tools I need to help me move forward and am so grateful for that!
I mean, medication is obviously still required for me, but I’m learning things about me and how my brain works that I never saw before… it’s enlightening “
Ok, friends, I don’t know about you but I cried literal tears over this. And if you’re thinking, WOW, I want to get in on this magic, I’m going to urge you to get yourself on the Self Love in Seven waitlist so you can be the first to know when it launches next! Just head to selfloveinseven.com to get on the waitlist!
Ok, let’s chat about Musterbation!
Hi, hello, how are ya! Are you ready to learn about the thing that is keeping you from the mental freedom that you deserve!
“Musterbation” is a term coined by famed psychologist Albert Ellis to describe the phenomenon whereby people live by a set of absolute and unrealistic demands that they place on themselves, others and the world
Let me break this down to you with a cute little story which involves me, an electric scooter and two strangers.
One day I was casually walking to a workout when two strangers zipped by me on an electric scooter. Now, if you are unfamiliar with these electric scooters, that at one time were an epidemic here in San Diego there are a couple of ground rules that you agree to when you rent one. You agree to riding the scooters on the street, not the sidewalk, you agree to wearing a helmet and you agree to only have one person on the scooter at a time.
This couple was breaking every single one of those rules, so I yelled after them “you’re supposed to ride those on the street!” Now, I can admit that I was a bit emotional at the time and absolutely could have handled it in a more rational manner, but that’s not the point of the story. The couple proceeded to get in my face and tell me to watch my mouth when I was talking to them and I definitely almost got into my first ever physical fight in the middle of downtown San Diego.
Ok, so, you’re probably wondering what does that story have to do with Musterbation? Well, let me tell you! You see, I like to follow rules. It makes me feel safe and in control. The people who were on the scooter, they might not enjoy following the rules as much as I do- hence them breaking all of them. Now, here is the kicker- I was SO UPSET over this for hours afterwards. I was thinking to myself, WHY did they get mad at me? They were the ones not following the rules! They were the ones who were quote end quote “in the wrong” AND That is when I was first introduced to the concept of Musterbations.
I like to define musterbation as projecting your personal shoulds on other people. Case and point The fact that I follow the rules means that everyone else SHOULD follow the rules. Who am I to decide how everyone else in the world operates?
Now if you have done any of my free challenges or followed me on social media for a minute you probably know that should is one of my least favorite words- in fact, I have worked really hard to remove that word from my vocabulary because all it does is create an excuse and inflict shame.
So let’s talk a little more about musterbation and more over how it would feel if you stopped this nasty little habit. Can you imagine the freedom you might feel if you released others from the depths of your personal rules and restrictions? I mean, just because you have found joy doing something does not mean that even one single other person will find joy doing it so why waste all this time and energy worrying about what others are doing?
I mean talk about an anxiety and stress reliever! So, here are some steps you can take to minimize your musterbation:
Oh and bonus points if you can start communicating your non-negotiables to yourself and others, especially the ones that you love! For instance, if there is a rule in your life that is a make or break for you, well, you best believe I’m going to urge you to communicate it because if you aren’t communicating what you want then how the heck can you expect to get it, honey?
Self Lovers! Was this helpful? Did you have an ah hah moment when it comes to how much musterbating you’re doing in your life? Are you going to do your best to stop this epidemic from spreading any further? Ooooooh I hope so! You know how you can really support this message in spreading? Sharing this episode with someone you know or even with people you don’t! Take a screen shot of this episode and share it to your Instagram stories and make sure to tag me @paulfishman and the show @theselfloveshow so I can send you some love and light and gratitude! Oh and don’t forget to rate and review the show! Anything and everything helps spread this message of Self Love!
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